Service (a story about kindness)

Illustration By Laurie Lail

By Laurie Lail

Now how are you today? I don’t believe I’ve waited on you before. Here’s a menu. I’ll be right over there doin’ my side work, and just so your not worried, this spot on my apron is where I spilt ketchup. It’s been one of those days.

How so? Well, everybody came in at once, it was all I could do to take care of ‘em, I smell like a mixture of gravy and Clorox, and it’s my turn to marry the ketchups. That’s where you dump half of one bottle on top of another and toss the empties. There’s probably ketchup in those bottles that’s been there for ten years. Dan, he’s the cheap cuss who owns this place, and he says store bought ketchup don’t go bad. Can you believe that?

 Oh yeah, he likes saving a nickel. That’s why he gave this place a stupid name, MISTER LET’S EAT. I mean really? He got the sign at a discount from some fella in Pineville. A couple of years ago a storm blew out half of the lights in the sign and left T-E-R   L-E-T, that’s right TERLET. Can you believe that? Dan let it stay that way for almost a year til the jokes got so bad he finally fixed it. It was all I could do to walk into work under that sign, and there’s nothing like having that boyfriend who dumped you in high school wander into the TERLET while you’re knee deep in marrying Ketchups.

Yeah, you’re right. You gotta’ laugh don’t-cha? Theys a fella, Buck, that eats here every day, and he won’t take a bottle of ketchup unless it’s completely full to the brim. He’s retired, but still wears his boots and drives his truck, real meat and potatoes man. You know the type. He’s got all kinds of ways about him. For one thing, he never orders the special, but for some reason makes a stink when we sell out. I told him, “Buck, that’s what the special is designed to do. We only make so much of it. That’s what makes it special.” He’ll worry you to death if you let him. 

Naw, I don’t mind ‘im so much. Well I mean he’s a retired widow. Just likes the attention is all. I recon that’s why he comes in here every day.

Let me bend down; I don’t want tell this too loud. Buck came in here one night ‘bout three years ago when it was his late wife’s birthday, and he was drunk. It was the only time anybody ever seen ‘im like that. Buddy, he was a mess. He said all he could think about was this cashmere coat his wife had wanted. He said he could tell she really liked it by the way she stood wearing it in front of the mirror, but they were saving for retirement, and he’d said no. He said he remembered how her face fell when she handed the coat back, how she stroked one last time. He said he thought he was doing the right thing at the time, and she’d said she understood, but now he wished he could go back and let her buy that coat. It’s strange seeing a man like Buck all misty eyed. Dan drove him home. Don’t none of us ever mention that night to Buck. Dan said Buck told him that his wife died six months after they retired. Ain’t that something?

Well, you’re right about that. Anyway, he’s usually right cheerful. He likes if you joke around with him. He says stuff like, “Hey I got a tip for you, silence is golden but duck-tape is silver” or “better late than pregnant.”  The other day I’m bringing him the cubed steak and he says, “You don’t have your thumb on my steak do you?” and I said, “Well, of course I do, I didn’t want it to fall in the floor again.” He loved it. But his favorite thing to joke about is Chili Bean.

Naw, his name is Tommy. We call him Chili Bean cause we didn’t know what his real name was for some time, till this fella came in here last Christmas. He said he was home visiting his mama over in Pax, and she’d gone to a circle meeting. He was right friendly. He got the club sandwich. When he saw Chili Bean come in, he called him by name, and Chili bean staggered a little and scrunched his face up and looked at the fella; then just put his down and walked out, which ain’t at all like Chili Bean.

 What’s he like?  Well for one, poor things always as drunk as a pig on a merry-go-round. How we come to call him Chili Bean is cause Dan made a deal with him, he can have bowl of chili with beans to go, that’s Chili Bean’s favorite, if he’ll leave quietly and don’t start nothin’ with nobody. Dan’s always quick about it too cause if Chili Bean has to wait, he gets mad and he might do anything. He’ll cuss out a customer or sometimes he pees all over the side door when he leaves. Can you believe that? Then Dan has to go out there with the hose and a jug Clorox. Dan could kick him out entirely, but he don’t. Dan’s wife says it’s because Dan’s daddy was a drunk.

Anyway, I told this fella that came in that night all about Chili bean and what we call him an all. He said chili Bean’s given name is Tommy vestal, and that he’d played baseball with him in high school, and chili bean had been his only real friend on that team. That’s cause this fella was black, I bet. You know ain’t many black folks around here to begin with, and you know how some of them old boys could be. This fella said he heard Chili bean had married some girl they went to school with, and she’d been home alone when she went into labor, and that by the time the neighbors found her, the baby had died and she almost did. He said he heard that after that she just wasn’t right in the head no more, and her family took somewhere. He said he’d wondered how Chili Bean had been doin’ all these years. Fella just shook his head, and asked me to wrap his sandwich up for him. I know we shouldn’t joke about Chili, but I guess it’s how we deal with him. I mean we are talking about a fella that pees on our building sometimes.

Oh no, now, we don’t never do it front of Chili Bean, not that he’d notice it. We just sort of do it between ourselves. Theys a girl named Rona that works here on the weekends. She’s here with a group trying to do away with mountain top removal. I hope they do stop it. I’m tired of the dust. Anyhow, the other day Buck says, “Hey Rona, I believe you have Chili Bean’s walk,” Rona Said, “I believe you have his smell.” You know like that. Rona said she’s gonna go looking for Chili Bean one day and try to catch him sober.

Rona can dish it out. She ain’t but twenty-two. One time Buck wanted more coffee, and he said to Rona, “Rona, my cup is bone dry. When the good lord was handin’ out the ability to observe you must have been at the back of the line.” Rona put her hand on her hip and said, “This coming from someone who can plainly see I’m filling up ice tea at another table. I guess you missed the line all together.” Well Buck didn’t know what the hell to say to that. Rona went and got the pot and called out “Excuse me everyone. Buck's cup is bone dry. Alert the authorities. Post it on social media. I repeat, Buck's cup is bone dry.” Then she smiled and filled his coffee. He had to laugh.

Rona was the one to who first talked to Tammy when she came in one day with her daughter, Grace, asking if she can work for food. It was a crazy story of course. Grace has that childhood diabetes and had needed to go to the doctor’s, and Tammy works at a gas station so you know she makes minimum wage, and she had to sell her food stamps to get the money for cab fare. Lord, can you believe that?

 Well what can you do? Rona told Tammy to come on in and eat. When Dan saw it he said, “Rona that’s gonna’ count as your free meal. I’m not made of money.”

Rona said, “That’s fine Dan, but don’t forget, you only pay us two dollars and twenty cent an hour.  It’s your paying customers who pay our wages.”

Dan said, “Well, she ain’t a payin’ customer.”

About that time Chili Bean showed up and Dan had to get his food, but Tammy heard what he said. She asked if she could have a grilled cheese, which the cheapest thing on the menu. Rona put some green beans on the side and brought Grace some milk. Tammy ate some of the crust off of the sandwich and some cracker packets. I watched Tammy stroke Grace’s hair while the child ate. I wish I hadn’t done it; you could see she had that mixture of worn out and worry. It bothered me the rest of the day.

Anyway, Rona was ringing out Buck and Dan says to her, “Now she’s going to be in here all the time.”

Rona said, “Well of course she is, Dan. If you had a hungry child, and you’d found a way to feed her, you’d be back too.”

Well, Dan didn’t say nothing to that, but here’s what I couldn’t believe. Old son of a buck, who never notices a damn thing past his nose, told Dan he’d get their tab, and if they come back, to feed’em, and he’d pay for it next time he came in.  Can you believe that? 

So after buck left, Rona explained it to Tammy, and she and Grace started coming in two or three times a week.

You’re right. You never know about what’s in somebody’s heart, do you. Well, so then, Buck’s in here a few weeks ago when Tammy and Grace comes in, and Rona introduces them. Tammy tells Buck all about the diabetes, and how Grace has these pills for when her sugar drops, and how she wears some gadget that’s hooked to’er all the time. I’ll be damned if after that Son of a Buck didn’t start givin’ them rides to the doctor, and the grocery store, and the food bank. The best thing is Buck has somethin’ to talk about. You should see them all together. Grace calls him Buckaroo and Tammy makes fun of him, which he loves. Yesterday, when they all came in, Tammy told Buck that he dressed like a colorblind golfer.

I’m sorry; you need to look at the menu don’t-cha? Lord, I’ve talked you to death. You got to watch me. I get like that sometimes in the afternoons when the lunch rush is over. Oh, but let me tell you one more, quick thing, and then I’ll get back to my ketchups. That old Son of a Buck finally ordered the special yesterday, a taco salad of all things. Can you believe that?